5 Ways Men Ruin Their Relationships

Most relationships don’t end with a bang; instead they fade away through creeping indifference and a loss of the will to keep the flame between you alive. In these cases, the end is called overwhelmingly by the woman, who decides that ‘there must be more to life than this’; and sets out to find it.

Quite often the end comes as a surprise to the man, which only confirms to the woman how right she is to leave; because his obliviousness to her unhappiness and discontent is so complete. If this is you, then you will need to convince your wife or girlfriend that you are able to change before you have a chance of winning her back.

If you are unaware of her feelings then you will certainly have grown apart. Creeping indifference or even dislike usually goes hand in hand with leading increasingly separate lives. Having ‘me’ time and your own interests is great, but not when there is no ‘us’ time to keep you together, and remind you of what you mean to each other.

Many women feel that men fail to pull their weight in relationships. Feelings of resentment gradually build up in them, which can lead to the dreaded ‘nagging’ or sometimes ‘the silent treatment’. But unfortunately many men bring this on themselves by their failure to contribute, making their women feel that they are being taken for granted.

Here are five ways men tend to cop out of doing their bit. The fact is that real life is often not glamorous and exciting, but no-one is entitled only to partake of the good bits. Your girlfriend or wife needs to feel that she is still one of your top priorities.

They ignore the chores

The dreary necessities of household chores are always there. Many men start out with the best intentions, but somehow these fail to last. It’s unfortunate that many women have a lower ‘mess threshold’ than men, and find even a small amount of untidiness unbearable. And many men use this as an excuse never to do any housework, because ‘it’s never dirty enough’.

These sorts of household wars can simmer for years, making a couple increasingly unhappy and resentful. Deciding who should do what around the house can work for some couples, as long as both sides stick to it. But what women want more than anything else is for men to help out without having to be asked. You’re a grown man. You’ve lived in a house all your life. Pretending that you don’t know what needs to be done is unconvincing and infuriating.

Your life together should be a joint effort. So make it one. Thoughtful gestures around the house can make all the difference.

They Go Deaf

Conversation is very important to women, probably more so than it is to many men. And women hate feeling that you aren’t listening to them when they are talking to you.

This can actually be a tricky one to negotiate. Women have two infuriating habits when it comes to conversation; talking too much, and talking at the wrong time. Unless there is an emergency, you are entitled to ask her if you can have the conversation when you have finished what you are doing. But getting her to be less verbose is probably impossible; so if this is likely to drive you mad, then just don’t choose a chatterbox. Not all women are unable to stop talking.

What’s important is not to let her feel that you don’t care about her concerns. Not taking things that matter to her seriously tells her that you don’t care about her. And that is a dangerous thing to convey. She doesn’t always expect you to have the answers, but she does want you to be willing to listen.

They Go Dumb

Listening and talking are the complementary sides of communication. Women hate it when men never talk to them. There are two kinds of ‘not talking’, and both can damage your relationship.

This first is the ‘sitting in silence’ kind. When you were first dating you had plenty to talk about: you were getting to know each other and you didn’t see each other all the time. But when you move in together, it can be surprising how quickly there seems to be nothing left to say.

While men can be happy sitting for long periods in silence, women like a little social conversation at times to ‘oil the wheels’. To a woman, a man who sits is silence while he eats and then watches the television all night is an oaf, and a very unsatisfactory partner. Try learning a few rudimentary social graces. You don’t have to talk all night, but ignoring her (which is how she will see it) is just plain rude.

The other kind of ‘not talking’ is when problems are allowed to fester because they are never discussed or resolved. Being able to talk about what’s bothering you is crucial for intimacy to flourish. If you can’t discuss things together, you are undermining the whole relationship.

They Get Into a Routine – and Leave Out the Fun

At first you probably did lots of things together. But as time goes on you can find you are splitting you life into sections. You do things with your wives or girlfriends. You do things with your mates. And guess where you are having all the fun?

Sometimes though, you can just get into an utterly predictable routine in which fun ceases to figure anywhere. If you have fallen into either of these habits, then you need to shake your life up a bit and start introducing some changes.

People who play together, stay together. Although you don’t want to live in each other’s pockets, it’s important to have things you enjoy doing together. Spending time with each other shouldn’t be a chore. Being a couple should mean that you are also a team.

They Start Thinking the Grass is Greener Elsewhere

When things are not going great at home, it sometimes seems that everybody else is happy – except you. Your mate has a new girlfriend and starts bragging about having sex five times a night, every night. You other mate has just married a PhD who is a Cordon Bleu cook. Why don’t you have a woman like this?

Being a man yourself, you should know how much men like to brag – and how little of it is actually true. There is no such thing as the perfect woman – or man. And you’ll never know the real truth about other people’s relationships either.

But you do know that real life isn’t a fantasy. The grass on the other side of the fence still has to be weeded and mown and watered to look its best. Your mates’ relationships are probably no better than yours in reality, and they may be a lot worse. If your partner is loyal and loving and warm, then you are a lucky man and you shouldn’t waste your time dreaming about phantoms.

It’s also a bit feeble to blame someone else if you are feeling that life has lost a bit of its glamour. If you want to pep things up a bit, your partner will probably be delighted at the thought of doing something different for a change. And if you are the one who is always turning down her suggestions, then try taking her up on them for once. You may be surprised how much you enjoy it.

7 Responses to “5 Ways Men Ruin Their Relationships”

  • Death Knight:

    Such a long time story short, I had been buddies having a guy for just two 1/24 months, only then do we began dating for 4 several weeks. He moved therefore we broke things off because both of us did not desire a lengthy distance relationship. Then 6 several weeks later he moved back for private reasons. We began speaking again after which he requested me to become his girlfriend again.

    We dated for five several weeks (now as many as 9 several weeks plus being close friends for any very long time), he requested me basically loved him and that i stated yes. He then split up beside me and stated he did not feel exactly the same way..

    The truth is I understand he loves me.. I believe he’s just afraid and I wish to know why

  • Flash Funk:

    To summarize a lengthy story short, I’ve destroyed any possibility of dating my girlfriend regularly, and her father hates me. Her father controls their household, and is an extremely angry guy. I can not risk going near my girl in public places, or anything dangerous like this due to her father. He threatened to conquer her, and myself after what we should did together. I am reluctant to risk her physical safety, due to me. So the only method I am capable of seeing my girlfriend is within complete secret. I’ll awaken at 4am to be able to catch public transit to satisfy her in school, nearly every day and that i bring her lunch there. Also when you will find rare chances for all of us to complete anything like, hang inside a class together, or sneak into her room we all do so. Apart from i aren’t seeing my girlfriend personally, but I am together with her 24/7. Her father has had away all her privileges to visit outdoors, that is one more reason why coming is really hard. What this means is shes on her behalf computer when she will get home from soccer practice, and I am on mine. Therefore we essentially IM one another nonstop, that is great. I really like this girl with all of me, and also have been seeing her by doing this for any quarter of the year now. Altogether we’ve about 1.five years together, counting coming and normal dating aspect. I’ve not a problem with awaiting the lady i wanted, once we are in a position to re-locate to reside by ourselves and become from her crazy father. My girlfriend loves me, and wishes to watch for me also, but certain occasions she informs me shes lonely, and she or he feels sad. This does not happen frequently, but I am stumped how I’m able to help her feel good. Since we can not talk on the telephone due to her parents, I call her over her computer during the night, i bought us both a webcam therefore we can chat such as this. We’ve many tools to assist us, but I’m not going her to become sad, how do i help her know I am there on her and do not want her to become sad?

  • Boo Cookie:


    David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive is very confusing. I am inclined to think that Diane imagined the whole first 1 / 2 of the film as Betty, but she’d the dream after she hired the hitman to kill Camilla, then had the dream, awoke, ridden with guilt and wiped out herself.

    I would like to hear your personal understanding.

  • Harriet W:

    Just wondering I am getting issues with parents…also The way the planet finish? I’m not a JW and can I see individuals again who’re? I’d prefer if your witness clarified this please.

  • United:

    I kissed another guy after my boyfriend’s graduation and that i feel terrible. We have been together for several years (5 to become exact) we like one another greatly and my men graduation party he drank an excessive amount of, a lot to ensure that he given out. I do not drink whatsoever and that i wound up speaking to 1 of his friend’s brother and then we wound up kissing. The truth is that I discovered him to be really attractive he requested me to visit his house I rejected. I’m not sure what came over me, irrrve never really felt by doing this about another guy before and today I believe I have destroyed my relationship. Personally i think awful and I haven’t got any reasonable excuse in my behavior. My boyfriend does not know yet and I’m not sure how to proceed, he’ll be absolutely crushed after i simply tell him since he’s been only a sweetheart in my experience. But I’d rather not mislead him since we are so close. I’m not sure how to proceed whatsoever, i’d rather not hurt him however i also don’t wish to mislead him. I am this type of terrible person :'(

  • dubmecrazy3:

    I do not exactly understand what I am attempting to request here.. I believe I am just type of requesting advice… I am 16, nearly 17 contributing to five years I simply stopped working, I went one whole month where I’d just cry every second during the day after which eventually I retrieved but after that I have simply not been right. The correct answer is apparent that I am depressed however it just triggers off and on and lately it is simply really bad. I’d rather not tell anybody because I’m not going sympathy off family/buddies, however i at the moment feel practically suicidal. All of this comes from the very fact my father is really a psychopath. He beats my mother up constantly, he applies to me and he’s just over-all a cruel nasty guy that has destroyed my childhood. Now though, I simply seem like my existence is pointless. I seem like my buddies will always be heading out and getting parties which I am never asked to. I’ve one friend that stays beside me however i still don’t feel fully happy. I simply seem like crying all the time. Lately to increase this, I have began to feel anxious and paranoid about everything. For instance I’ll always think the worst possible results of a scenario. Like I’ll see an oncoming vehicle and I’ll immediately think I am likely to crash. Or I’m going to be alone within my house and I’ll think someone is incorporated in the house too prepared to kill me within the most horrible way. If anybody has really bothered to see all of this I apologize you’ve needs to spend your time however i just feel so depressed and lower and that i simply need to allow it to full-scale :( any advise could be really appreciated :( many thanks

  • ttocs:

    I am thinking about homeschooling my daughter when she is of age, however I want to be sure I have a routine in place, in order to keep us all on a schedule. This is something I am considering:

    Me – wake up at 5:30am to get shower and dressed, then do all of my cleaning before my daughter wakes at 8:00am. Then we’d have breakfast and she’d get cleaned and dressed before beginning school. I like the idea of having everything out of the way before the school day begins, that way I can focus on school more and then when we’re done we can relax. Of course we’ll still have dinner and maybe some laundry to do, but can be done with the tedious chores like cleaning bathrooms, mopping, ect. Does anyone else follow a similar plan? Also, how long does your schooling last per day? Do you break for lunch and then go back to school or do end your day at lunch? Education is very important to my husband and I and I want to make sure she will be getting enough of each subject in every week.
    There are a few reasons I am thinking about homeschooling. One is that my daughter has allergies and asthma and I just don’t trust the public school system at this point to be able to cater to her needs with these issues. Also, I have a degree myself and instead of teaching other children all day, I would love to teach my daughter and learn more about her and her learning style. As far as socilization, we have a large family and she gets plenty of interaction with other children. Also, we plan to have her involved in afterschool activities such as sports and music, which will help to keep her interacting with others, so I’m not at all worried about socialization. Plus, not all socialization that goes on in schools is good. I know firsthand. I graduated from public school about 8 years ago, so it hasn’t been too long, and I feel that I can actually give my daughter a better education than our local school system right now.
    For those wondering why I am concerned with keeping a schedule – It’s because I feel that children do better when they know what to expect. Anyhow, real life is full of schedules. When they get older they need to know how to get up every morning and arrive to work on time and things such as that. I think it prepares them to be organized and successful, rather than living a chaotic lifestyle and always being stressed. Plus I think it helps to fend off laziness as well.

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